Friday, July 13, 2018

Your daily dose of irony

“The great thing about our city is you can have a fraternal and positive relationship with a country and its citizens but disagree in a mature and adult way with the president,” - London Mayor Sadiq Khan

"Khan has since defended his decision to grant permission for [the baby Trump blimp] to be flown as part of a protest against Trump’s visit." - CNBC

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

What could go wrong?

Found at my local grocery store:

Gallons of bleach based drain cleaner directly next to gallons of ammonia. What could go wrong?

I realize the chances of these chemicals escaping and mixing is slim, but the chance is still real and the consequences could be severe. I have seen this same shelf stocking arrangement in multiple stores just waiting to be crashed into by someone on a motorized scooter, or knocked over by someone's kid. 

I used to notify management, but I have since found that to even have the knowledge to raise that kind of alarm is looked upon with suspicion, so I prefer now to just let nature take its course. 

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Great Moments in Hookup History

Tattoo belonging to smm523
I noticed a bunch of referrals coming in from a Reddit "Creepy PMs" thread titled "From dead dad to hookup."

"Great moments in hookup history"

I'm going to guess the odds of that hookup attempt being successful were about zero. The tattoo, owned by Reddit user smm523, is pictured at the top of this page. To me it doesn't look like v-fib, so much as perhaps a sinus type rhythm with a ton of artifact. Despite the heavy artifact, the tattoo has meaning to the owner because it was the last heart rhythm captured by her father's Fitbit right before he died.

I don't have a Reddit account, but thank you everyone from Reddit for coming to visit.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Quote of the day: "EMSBoi"

"I think this whole thing is a bit immature. They are tattoos, not actual ECG’s. They are supposed to look cool, not be medically accurate. I also find it HIGHLY unprofessional for a fellow paramedic to be posting what they feel are ‘bad’ tattoos on other medical professionals and publicly revile them for not being 100% accurate. Where I come from, we show respect to our peers and stand up for them like we would our own family. Maybe try to work on your integrity."
- EMSBoi
Posted to Bad EKG Tattoos I

Daffodils like the "EMSBoi" are the worst part of EMS. Delicate, baby snowflakes like that reflect poorly on us all. I have a zero tolerance policy for that kind of weakness. Save your ass-patting bro bullshit for the firehouse... it's not my job to validate or encourage your shitty life choices. Get the hell out of my profession and take your crappy tattoo with you.

Friday, July 6, 2018

Bro, do you even vibrato?

The ViZOLLin.
Guaranteed not to save lives, ever.
If you are struggling with vibrating notes on your fiddle, have heart - you will get it eventually.  How soon you'll get there is a product of how badly you want it. Here are some tips which I found helpful:
  • There is no one piece of magical advice. Vibrato is an awkward motion of an arm which is already in an awkward position. Since our bodies and brains are all varyingly different, how you achieve that akward vibrating movement is going to be somewhat unique. Get on YouTube and watch as many videos as you can, studying and experimenting with each players' technique.
  • Practice frequently. Every time you practice (which should be multiple times per day), dedicate a significant portion of your practice time to vibrato. Be prepared to sound horrible for a long time.
  • Take frequent breaks. Stop and take a break when you get so frustrated that practice loses its value. There's no benefit to you in continuing to play beyond the point of diminishing returns. Go for a short walk (but not too long) and come back when you can focus again.
  • Practice in the mirror. Mirror practice allows for immediate biofeedback and self-correction from the same perspective that you have been watching others play vibrato.
  • Vibrato excessively. Scales are boring. Pick a song you enjoy and can play reasonably well, and vibrate every note even if it sounds ridiculous. 
  • Vibrato in the car. The 8 o'clock position of your steering wheel mimics the position of your left hand on your violin's fingerboard, but at a slightly less awkward angle for the vibrato motion. What else is there to do on your morning commute? Just make sure there are no other vehicles around you, for safety, and because vibrato on your steering wheel kinda looks like you're jerking off in traffic. 
  • Use a quality shoulder rest.  Additionally, experiment with varying degrees of chin pressure. 
  • Relax. The vibrato motion is a psychomotor skill. You cannot reason or think your way into psychomotor competence. Like so many other muscle memory skills, the only way to train this is through repetition.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

How do I fix my EKG tattoo?

Whoever you are... I am sympathetic. Email me at so I can help you.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Are Gun Owners Compensating for Something?

In a culture where "fat shaming", "thin shaming", "slut shaming", "pretty shaming", and "gender shaming" are near mortal sins, it is a fascinating evolution in the tactics of the rabid, anti-gun left that penis size shaming has become a staple weapon in their war against Liberty. 

As if Constitutionally protected rights are meted out in proportion to erection length, these arguments attempt to link the size of one's member to a desire to be armed with effective self defense weaponry. Presumably - according to this hypothesis of liberal authoritarians - a man with a very small penis would feel a strong, biological urge to be adequately armed in the defense of himself and his family; and a man with a huge penis would just beat an attacker to death with his swinging cod. 

What's not clear to me is how this hypothesis applies to women, as it has literally been suggested that women who possess this desire to be trained and armed for their own defense need to "get over" their little penises. Could we then extrapolate that a woman in favor of firearms prohibition has a gigantic wiener knocking against her knee caps? Shouldn't men who have become trans women have the strongest interest in self defense weaponry as a corollary of their desire to no longer possess the natural accoutrements of biological males? 

Of course there is no sense to the gun rights-rooster size argument (making it a strange manifestation of the side of the debate that claims to have "common sense" in its camp), which is why I now propose an alternative hypothesis with an equal length & girth of scientific evidence for its support: 

1) Gun prohibitionists are compensating for having tiny little penises by advocating for governmental control over armed people, so that the poorly endowed prohibitionists can finally feel like big strong men by comparison. 

2) Gun prohibitionists - as a side effect of their sad, inadequate genitalia - are afraid of their attraction to strong women like Dana Loesch and Ann Coulter, and so the prohibitionists feel a reaction formation compulsion caused by their own wee little wee-wee's to dominate these women by attacking them for their conservative values. 

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