Saturday, April 21, 2018

Transparent Backpacks and the Advice of the Galactically Stupid

"Thank you for playing 'should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid.'"

Following the mass murder of 17 high school students in Parkland, Florida, well meaning people have scrambled to propose security solutions to prevent such a massacre from happening again. Unfortunately, most of the suggestions from these well meaning individuals only serve to destroy the civil liberties of law-abiding people while accomplishing little in the way of actual security. One galactically stupid example of this is a requirement for some students to carry transparent backpacks.

A galactically stupid backpack
Lauren Hogg is absolutely right to be outraged by a requirement that she and her peers use clear backpacks. The sad irony here, which I'm sure Ms. Hogg will someday realize, is that she received exactly what she and her fellow gun prohibitionist activists asked for. Every one of the so-called "common sense" gun prohibition solutions proposed after the attack on her school is the equal to clear backpacks. Feel-good rules like semi-auto bans, private firearms-sales background checks, and clear backpacks apply only to law abiding people who aren't planning to break the law and hurt anyone anyway, trading the strength of Liberty for weakness and a false security.

Were a student inclined to break existing laws against assault, murder, and bringing firearms onto school property, there is nothing about a clear backpack that would prevent that student from obscuring a weapon within the backpack inside of any number of non-prohibited items. To test how meaningless clear backpacks are to security, I compared the size of some of my lawfully owned weapons to my Stedman's Medical Dictionary, which was the largest single textbook I had in medic school. 

Hollowed out, this one book would hold an alarming quantity of weaponry. To start with, the Dirty Harry gun:

The Smith & Wesson 629 .44 Magnum with a 5" barrel and a handful of speedloaders. It would be a tight fit, but it would fit. 

Full size 1911 .45 ACP with an extended ten-round magazine and at least five standard 8-round mags, probably more.

Springfield XD(m) .45 ACP with TLR-2 flashlight/laser and five 13-round magazines. 66 rounds.

Glock 20 10mm with six 15-round magazines. 91 rounds.

Glock 17 9mm with 8 17-round magazines. More would probably fit considering how thick this textbook is. >137 rounds.

Six 30-round AR-15 magazines. 180 rounds.

Asp, pepper blaster, fixed blade knife.

Clear backpacks are galactically stupid, and can be defeated with a device as simple as a hollowed out textbook, a tampon box, a jacket, or any other opaque container placed within the transparent backpack. These backpacks might make some people feel more secure, but they cannot provide any real security. Meanwhile, the Fourth Amendment rights of the students who have reached the age of majority, to be secure in their papers and effects, are being violated. Subjecting the students to searches upon entry into the school further violates their rights while creating a gigantic, disarmed victim choke point ripe for the next attack.

Likewise, all gun control proposals trade constitutional rights for a promise of security, while wholly failing to actually deliver any improved security. Not one single gun control proposal is the exception. There is one solution, however, which has been proven throughout human history to deter evil: permit law-abiding people - who choose to be armed - their inalienable right to carry the most effective weaponry available to them, in any place they go.

The only language violence understands is violence. We cannot counter the evil inherent in this world by becoming weak and defenseless in its face. Those who actively seek weakness as an affirmative defense against evil are effectively hunting for unicorns.

Liberty cannot be traded for security. Liberty is our security, and our strength. Don't be galactically stupid. Choose Liberty.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Rinella's Sign: Trailer Park Boys

Catching up on Trailer Park Boys tonight and found this strikingly accurate example of Rinella's Sign after Jacob Collins was kicked by a "hornse" through the side of a barn and broke his neck (Cory: "Dude, man, that was just like the Kool-Aid man Except, like, way worse and shit because he knew what he was doing.") Sadly, I can't find a video on YouTube so just check out Trailer Park Boys season 12 episode 1 "Chlamydia", and, for that matter, all the rest of the Trailer Park Boys videos too.
Read more:
Except, like, way worse and shit because he knew what he was doing.

Read more:

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Depoe Bay Beacon

As I was cleaning today I found this old curio I've kept from September, 2008 when I was featured on the cover of the Depoe Bay Beacon - proof of my membership in the elite club of above-the-fold front page tabloid models. The photographer was a a real piece of shit who would barge his way onto our scenes and take photos of dead children, and so he would put pictures of our medics in the paper in an attempt to butter us up to gain future access. It didn't work. Get the hell off my scene.

Friday, April 13, 2018

I have no comment

These three ridiculous EKG tattoos are so ill-advised they defy commentary.

If you need EKG tattoo advice, please read the articles linked in the column to the right or email me for advice at 

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Bear Country

I attended a class for first responders in bear country, taught by Retired Alaska Master Guide Brent Hudson. I work in a remote region of the US, with black bears and grizzlies, where armed law enforcement backup may be a prohibitive distance away. Some take-aways from the class were:
  • Bears have an excellent sense of smell and good hearing. Their eyesight is less acute.
  • Black bears evolved as forest bears where grizzlies are more suited for open areas.
  • Base your actions on bear behavior. A bear who is probing your work area is sizing you up for attack and must be dealt with, where a bear surprised by your sudden presence may respond well to a slow withdrawal.
  • Running may provoke a chase reaction.
  • Unarmed combat with a bear only works 45% of the time, and your chance for survival is inversely proportional with the size of the bear. 
  • Bear spray only works reliably if the bear inhales the aerosolized spray. Tests on wild bears have shown that bears will lick OC spray off of their fur as if it were a tasty snack. 
  • 9mm and .357 magnum are not recommended.
  • Hollow point ammunition is not recommended.
  • Heavier handgun calibers like .44 magnum, .454 Casull, .500 S&W, and possibly 10mm are recommended, with heavy for caliber, hard cast, non-expanding bullets.
  • Shotguns with Brenneke slugs are recommended. Buckshot is not recommended as it may not have adequate penetration capabilities. 
  • Magnum rifles in >.30 caliber are recommended.
  • Always fight black bears. Playing dead may or may not be effective against grizzlies. If you decide to play dead, protect your face, go prone with your hands clasped behind your neck, and don't make any noise. 
  • A grizzly can bite your head in half. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

You are not selected

Three tattoos that indicate you are not selected by nature for survival:

This is not a tattoo. It is an epileptic cat scratch.

You are an idiot times infinity.

You are not selected.

If you are planning on getting an EKG tattoo but you aren't sure if it's accurate, please read through the informational articles linked in  the right column or email me at for free advice.

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