Monday, April 16, 2018

Rinella's Sign: Trailer Park Boys


Catching up on Trailer Park Boys tonight and found this strikingly accurate example of Rinella's Sign after Jacob Collins was kicked by a "hornse" through the side of a barn and broke his neck (Cory: "Dude, man, that was just like the Kool-Aid man Except, like, way worse and shit because he knew what he was doing.") Sadly, I can't find a video on YouTube so just check out Trailer Park Boys season 12 episode 1 "Chlamydia", and, for that matter, all the rest of the Trailer Park Boys videos too.
Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=trailer-park-boys&episode=s12e01
Except, like, way worse and shit because he knew what he was doing.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=trailer-park-boys&episode=s12e01

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Depoe Bay Beacon


As I was cleaning today I found this old curio I've kept from September, 2008 when I was featured on the cover of the Depoe Bay Beacon - proof of my membership in the elite club of above-the-fold front page tabloid models. The photographer was a a real piece of shit who would barge his way onto our scenes and take photos of dead children, and so he would put pictures of our medics in the paper in an attempt to butter us up to gain future access. It didn't work. Get the hell off my scene.

Friday, April 13, 2018

I have no comment

These three ridiculous EKG tattoos are so ill-advised they defy commentary.




If you need EKG tattoo advice, please read the articles linked in the column to the right or email me for advice at healthcaretattoos@gmail.com 




Thursday, April 12, 2018

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Bear Country


I attended a class for first responders in bear country, taught by Retired Alaska Master Guide Brent Hudson. I work in a remote region of the US, with black bears and grizzlies, where armed law enforcement backup may be a prohibitive distance away. Some take-aways from the class were:
  • Bears have an excellent sense of smell and good hearing. Their eyesight is less acute.
  • Black bears evolved as forest bears where grizzlies are more suited for open areas.
  • Base your actions on bear behavior. A bear who is probing your work area is sizing you up for attack and must be dealt with, where a bear surprised by your sudden presence may respond well to a slow withdrawal.
  • Running may provoke a chase reaction.
  • Unarmed combat with a bear only works 45% of the time, and your chance for survival is inversely proportional with the size of the bear. 
  • Bear spray only works reliably if the bear inhales the aerosolized spray. Tests on wild bears have shown that bears will lick OC spray off of their fur as if it were a tasty snack. 
  • 9mm and .357 magnum are not recommended.
  • Hollow point ammunition is not recommended.
  • Heavier handgun calibers like .44 magnum, .454 Casull, .500 S&W, and possibly 10mm are recommended, with heavy for caliber, hard cast, non-expanding bullets.
  • Shotguns with Brenneke slugs are recommended. Buckshot is not recommended as it may not have adequate penetration capabilities. 
  • Magnum rifles in >.30 caliber are recommended.
  • Always fight black bears. Playing dead may or may not be effective against grizzlies. If you decide to play dead, protect your face, go prone with your hands clasped behind your neck, and don't make any noise. 
  • A grizzly can bite your head in half. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

You are not selected

Three tattoos that indicate you are not selected by nature for survival:


This is not a tattoo. It is an epileptic cat scratch.


You are an idiot times infinity.


You are not selected.

If you are planning on getting an EKG tattoo but you aren't sure if it's accurate, please read through the informational articles linked in  the right column or email me at healthcaretattoos@gmail.com for free advice.







Monday, April 9, 2018

Managing blood pressure with essential oils


If you have a raging case of LVH, a massive bundle branch block, and no ventricular repolarization as pictured in the photo above, it's entirely likely that your BP is already low enough and no quantity of multi-level marketing snake oils will change the fact that you will die very soon.
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