Sunday, May 10, 2015

The most confusing three hours of my life

I've been doing the low-carb diet lately, and this morning I weighed in at 203#, which is the lightest I've ever weighed during my adult life. Unfortunately, my dietary choices have been limited by this boring diet during recent months to mostly beef, venison and poultry, which leads me to the topic of tonight's post.

Tonight I got snacky and decided to cook some bacon. I don't typically enjoy eating pork. It's a filthy animal by Biblical standars. Pigs are relatively intelligent creatures. But more so, pork smells like burning human flesh. 


I first discovered this fact when I worked on the Oregon Coast. The patient was a guy who was drunkenly jumping over a campfire with his drunken friends, only he didn't quite make it all the way over. I was dispatched to transport him to the burn center three hours away. It was the most confusing three hours of my life.

Burnt human flesh smells like the most delicious cooked ham you've ever smelled. Everyone in EMS knows this, but is ashamed to admit it. I've spoken with numerous EMTs and Paramedics who try to explain away how disgusting it smells, but in the end always admit they are trying to justify the fact that they, too, think human meat smells delicious, but are too confused/grossed out to admit it. 

So here I am, completely burned out on chicken, cow and deer, in need of variety, and the only thing I have left in the house is pig. Which smells like human. So gross, yet so delicious. I have no idea what I am supposed to think or feel right now. 

I should also take this time to tell you that in high school my friend Tim Cook and I had to flay a road-killed possum to make a taxidermy study skin for our environmental sciences class, and the possum smelled exactly like fried chicken. So now I have ruined pork and chicken for you. Enjoy. 

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